Toxic People

Mark Goulston, MD writes:

A toxic person...

1. Interrupts.

2. Doesn’t take turns.

3. Takes advantage of people who are down.

4. Gloats in victory.

5. Is sullen in defeat.

6. Is not fair.

7. Lacks integrity.

8. Is the kind of person you’ll avoid if you possibly can.

Three good responses to nearly every type of toxic person...

"Huh?" This one word can stop a jerk in his tracks. Use a mild, neutral tone of voice. Do this when the toxic person says something utterly ridiculous but acts as if he is being perfectly reasonable. This response conveys that what the toxic person is saying doesn’t make sense. It works because it signals that you are not engaging with the content of what he said.

"Do you really believe what you just said?" Use a calm, straightforward tone, not a confrontational one. This question works because toxic people often resort to hyperbole to throw others off balance. They are prone to using the words "always" and "never" to drive home their points. However, don’t expect the toxic person to admit that he is wrong. He is more likely to walk away in a huff -- which is fine because then you won’t have to waste more energy dealing with him.

"I can see how this is good for you. Tell me how it’s good for me." This response is a useful way to deal with a toxic person’s demands. If he stalls or changes the subject, you can say, "Since it’s not clear how this is good for me, I’m going to have to say no."

Look to the Past

Have you heard the quote by George Santayana that states, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it".  In project management, we need to remember that historical data from old projects is our best source of data when planning new projects.  This data can help you to reduce negative risk and increases your odds for project success.
When planning new projects:

Review your companies past project files for information regarding past resource estimates, lessons learned, budget data, risks, assumptions, etc...

Conduct interviews with select project team members from past projects to understand what went right and what went wrong.

Interview customers and other project managers for lessons learned from their past projects.

Do searches on the Internet about similar projects to gather information which might assist in planning your project.

Most importantly, use risk management during the planning cycle to identify issues that could cost you later on.

Finally, do not fall victim to the project manager's curse of not learning from the past.  Remember the old saying, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it"

My Project Management Rules (revisited, reworked, repost)

Remove people from your team that don’t ask questions, don’t talk with other team members, won’t provide documentation, or won’t do analysis

Only people that aren’t competent won’t show off their work

Question authority or live with the result

A sense of humor can help get teams through tough times

A working meeting should have no more than five people. Meetings with more than five should be reserved for providing updates or relaying information

Project failure is planned at the beginning of the project

Project initiation is the most important project phase

Be honest in all your dealings

Project managers are expected to offer their opinions, but be accountable for their words

When it comes to project scope, what is not in writing has not been said

Have verifiable milestones

End of project surveys must be completed and the results distributed to the team

Bad conclusions lead to more bad conclusions

Documented assumptions are believed to be true for planning purposes

The best lessons learned come from failures

Without data you only have an opinion

Data doesn’t tell the whole story

Bad data leads to bad decisions

Senior management is usually clueless when it comes to what your project is all about

A bad project team will never deliver good project results

If your project sponsor isn’t responsive you should put your project on-hold until such time they can become involved

The bottleneck is at the top of the bottle

A project manager’s main job is to keep the customer happy

At the end of a project if you have met all scope, quality, budget, and schedule objectives, but the customer isn’t satisfied your project is a failure

Documentation doesn’t replace knowledge

Most people want to do good work. Many times they don’t have the tools or information they need to perform well, or they aren’t managed properly

Project managers aren’t successful if their team members aren’t successful

Not all successful project managers are competent and not all unsuccessful project managers are incompetent. Sometimes you just have to be lucky

Good project managers are insecure by nature

An introvert can’t be a (successful) project manager

A project manager with lots of enemies won’t be able to be successful over the long run

You must be a relationship guru and be ready to fall on the sword sometimes

A project manager must be a motivator

If you don’t listen, you can’t plan

Project managers deal with change. You must be the change agent for your project. Your project sponsor is the change salesman

Another Wisdom Equation

In project management (sometimes in life)...

Knowledge + Experience + Meaningful Relationships + Passion + Integrity = Wisdom

...should also equal Success!

Rewards and Punishment

The quotes below are from Tom Peters.  They are relevant, important and meaninful to all project managers.  Check out his website for lots of free content, and for information about ordering his books. 

In any public-sector business, you must become an avid student of "the politics," the incentives and constraints, mostly non-economic, facing all of the players. Politicians are usually incredibly logical if you (deeply!) understand the matrix in which they exist.

Risk Assessment & Risk Management is more about stories than advanced math i.e., brilliant scenario construction.

Don't waste your time on jerks, it'll rarely work out in the mid to long-term.

Under promise (i.e., don't over-promise; i.e., cut yourself a little slack) even if it costs you business; winning is a long-term affair. Over-promising is Sign #1 of a lack of integrity. You will pay the piper.

There is such a thing as a "good loss", if you have tested something new and developed good relationships. A half-dozen honorable, ingenious losses over a two-year period can pave the way for a Big Victory in a New Space in year 3.

Keep it simple! (Damn it!) No matter how "sophisticated" the product. If you can't explain it in a phrase, a page, or to your 14-year-old ... you haven't got it right yet.

Don't hold grudges. (It is the ultimate in small mindedness, and incredibly wasteful and ineffective. There is always tomorrow.)

Little People often have Big Friends!

Work hard beats work smart. (Mostly)

Phones beat email

Obsess on ROIR (Return On Investment In Relationships).

Scoring off other people is stupid. Winners are always in the business of creating the maximum # of winners among adversaries at least as much as among partners.

Your colleagues' successes are your successes. Period.

Lend a helping hand, especially when you don't have the time.

Don't get too hung up on "systems integration", first & foremost, the individual bits have got to work.

For Gods sake don't over promise on systems integration it's nigh on impossible to deliver.

It's Relationships, Stupid; Deep and from multiple functions.

Don't over-schedule. Running late is inexcusable at any level of seniority; it is the ultimate mark of self-importance mixed with contempt.

"Preparing the soil" is the first 98 percent. (Or more.)

Be kind. It works.

Opportunism (with a little forethought) mostly wins.

Reward excellent failures. Punish mediocre successes.

Integrity. Credibility. Humanity. Grace.

Strategic planning is the last refuge of scoundrels

Focus groups are counter-productive

All information making it to the top is filtered to the point of danger and hilarity

Success stories are the illusions of egomaniacs (and "gurus")

If you believe the "cause & effect" memoirs of CEOs, you should be institutionalized

Top teams" are "Dittoheads"

"Expert" prediction is rarely better than rolling the dice

Statistically, CEOs have little effect on performance

Success kills

All Projects Are Unique

All Projects are unique.  Because they are unique, the risks are often great and failure to deliver "on time" is always an option.  Minimize the risks by informing your sponsor that until you are finished with your initial project planning activities you may not be able to provide realistic budget and time estimates.  Once you have completed your initial project planning activities, (project planning is continuous) provide your sponsor with an estimated budget and time range, and remind him or her that as planning progresses these ranges may be adjusted to closer reflect reality.

Doubt and the Door

‎"Doubt comes in at the window when inquiry is denied at the door.". Benjamin Jowett

What are you denying?